There are lots of things, events, and outcomes we cannot control –
and we can create a lot of drama, struggle, and misery in our lives trying to do so…
A few weeks ago I wrote a lengthy Facebook post (see image below) that contained my own personal aha and awareness for the life event that I was facing – competing in eWomen Network’s North America’s Next Greatest Speaker Contest in Dallas, Texas.
I had been selected as a Top Ten Finalist (thank you for voting for me!!!) amongst over 1,000 applications. Talk about humbled. And talk about the internal pressure that I felt at times to “perform”. I was definitely putting myself out there and even asking others to “judge” me and my heart so the emotions at times were ripe for the learning.
So in my preparing for this experience, early one morning I had this awareness that took my power back from the fear, the perfectionism, the outcome…I can only control how I SHOW UP – and how I choose to experience this or any experience.
In life at times, you will face heartache, struggle, and challenge.
Some times people will lie about you or betray you.
Or politics may win out.
Others may criticize you.
They may say “no” to your offer, services, or product.
Your book might be rejected 144 times before you get a yes.
Your date request denied.
You may not make the honor roll, get the lead in the play, or get into the school of your choice the first time around. Or second. Or third.
You may be passed up for the promotion.
You may not be included.
You might be ignored.
You may not hit the rank you want when you want.
__________ insert your own here.
There are many more scenarios that all lead to the same point:
You can’t control the outcome.
You can only control how you SHOW UP.
How do you choose to SHOW UP regardless of the outcome?
Here is the full post written in it’s own authentic, inspired form:
For me, there is great peace in focusing on the only thing I can always control, influence, or direct in my life: how I show up.
And like I said in my post, I choose to show up and play full out.
My heart on the line.
To give my best and the best service I can, whether they say yes or no.
So that’s the thought to ponder this week…in your life and in your experiences, how will you choose to show up?
There are many things, people, and outcomes we cannot control. We can influence yes, control, no. By muddling with trying to control the outcome, we create our own misery.
Our power, attention, and energy I find is best suited to be focused where the choice is 100% ours – with ourselves and how we choose to play the game of life being served right now.
Release the outcome.
And focus on showing up powerfully present, fully engaged, and loving no matter what.
That’s a life worth living… regardless of the outcome.
With great love & respect for your path,
Jealousy. Envious. Judgmental.
We’ve all felt those feelings at some point in our lives. It’s part of being human.
Yet, sometimes those feelings consume us where we find ourselves loathing another person, mentally rehearsing perfect one liners we could say to them, or placing judgment upon them about how they don’t deserve their success or how you’re much better than so and so.
When those feelings are present for us, they have a lot to teach us. So rather than judge them or judge yourself for having those feelings, get curious and introspective about what may really be going on with you. You’d be surprised about what may really be underneath those challenging feelings.
Recently I did a television segment on this very topic, sharing insights, questions, and tools of how to learn from and release the envy.
Here is the segment:
Often when we feel envy or jealousy, we believe that there is only so much of that success to go around and we may be missing out. Those feelings are fear or ego based, centered in scarcity versus sufficiency or abundance. And finally, many times if someone else’s success is triggering me and these negative feelings, it many times points to dreams or goals that I’d like to have, but I’m not pursuing or giving myself permission or time to entertain.
- Consider a person or example that you are envious of or felt jealous of in the past. Ask yourself, “What does their success trigger in me?”
- Get curious about what’s going on under these feelings – am I feeling that there is a lack of opportunity for me? Is there a goal that their success inspires in me to pursue? Is there an area or goal in life that I’m not allowing myself to go after?
- Study, interview, or read about someone who’s created the results you want. You could invite them to lunch or tea. You could read their autobiography or blog online. Transform your envy to insight.
- Ask yourself, “What goal would I like to pursue in a bigger way? What’s one simple action I can take this week to move it forward?”
There are many things in life we cannot control, but we are responsible for our emotions. As Eleanor Roosevelt taught:
“No one can offend you without your permission.”
As conscious creators of our own lives, when we own our emotions and get curious about them, we hold the key to our own freedom, peace of mind, and quality of our lives.
Feelings aren’t facts – they’re teachers.
Cheering you on,
Self Esteem = Success
“You will perform to your self esteem.”
It was nearly 12 years ago when I heard that phrase for the first time. I was a new sales rep in a training class and at the time I first heard that phrase, I thought it was a bit of “psychobabble” talk. I didn’t think too much of it until months later I was living out what my trainer was talking about.
I had ramped up pretty quickly selling coaching for Franklin Covey Coaching and what I used to make in a month, I was now making in a week!! Awesome, right? Yes, except for the fact that I wasn’t used to making that kind of money ….and because that was outside of my comfort zone as well as my identity, I started to struggle…and it started to show up in my sales. Not good.
I hired my first “life coach” and I was introduced for the first time that year to classic books like As a Man Thinketh and Think & Grow Rich. I began to become aware of the power of my thoughts and how I was a shaping my life’s experiences.
And I went to work on the one thing I have control over – Me.
Jim Rohn has said, “your net worth will likely never outperform your self worth.”
Now, you may also think this sounds a bit woo-woo, right? Yet, I’m here to tell you that in my own experience as well as every client I’ve ever coached, we have lived out this truth.
Your self esteem is like your set of fingerprints – they’re on everything you touch: your bank account, your relationships, your health, you name it. It has a direct influence to how we show up in life and the results we’re creating – or sabotaging.
The good news? You can build your confidence & self esteem like any other muscle to make it stronger and healthier in your life. You also can go to work on you, which in turn will go to work on your sales.
Consider this – do you treat yourself like a top priority in your life? Do you cheer yourself on or tear yourself down? Do you put everyone else first and yourself last, or not at all?
Quick Inventory: Where would you rate your current level of self esteem?
Now, ask yourself, what’s one thing I can do to improve it? Begin doing it immediately! Part of building great self esteem is trusting ourselves and taking action on what our heart or intuition guides us to do.
This topic is deep and broad and we could literally do a 3 day workshop just on self esteem together. To help you get started on a path to enhancing your self esteem and therefore your results, consider these few insights to support you:
1. Trust. Self confidence comes from having a deep sense of trust within ourselves. Do you trust yourself? If no, can you forgive yourself and commit to repairing trust within you? Stephen Covey teaches that the fastest way to build trust with ourselves and others is “to make and keep commitments”…whereas the opposite is also true. Every time we make and break commitments, we erode trust. Tighten up your word with yourself so you feel confident that you’re in integrity with the boss – you!
2. Self Care. Do you take time to exercise, get good sleep, pray or meditate – or any other activity that helps your physical and emotional well being? Do you make time for you? If not, begin with 15 minutes per day to start investing in you. This simple practice will add up to a big deal.
3. Date Yourself. (I loved typing that by the way!) What I call a “Joy List”, choose to do at least one thing a week that is just for you – a massage, a game of golf, hiking, baking your favorite treat – whatever brings you joy on any level, free to expensive, that brings you a sense of joy to your life. Ideally you do something daily or multiple times a week, but at least begin with one a week. You are responsible for your happiness – so go create it!
When our BEHAVIOR backs up the BELIEF that we’re valuable and deserving, amazing things happen. Affirmations without action are simply “make believe.” If your behavior doesn’t align with the belief that you’re fabulous, worthy, valuable, etc then you’ll struggle to really believe it and live it.
Create your own joy list whether on a note pad, your laptop, or smart phone – begin adding things to it as you go that bring you joy – and then do them! Begin this week with doing at least one thing for yourself that brings you joy.
Whether you start small or go big, make yourself and your self esteem a top priority in your life. You’ll not only feel better, but you’ll also attract better results to you.
Cheering you on!