Okay, phew! I just said it. I feel like I just jumped off the symbolic cliff with you. I just put it out there. And now I feel a bit vulnerable and free all at the same time.
I’ve been “thinking” about writing a book for a long time. People say that it’s good for business, great for credibility, and will open many doors. And while that’s true I assume, that isn’t my driving motivation.
Nearly six months ago I attended a women’s retreat and during a meditation by the ocean I had a divine, sacred experience where I felt called to share what’s in my heart. It’s as if a seed was then planted that has been gestating and it’s now beginning to come forth. It’s about me answering a call from my Divine, my heart and willing to walk in this path, even though it’s scares me and brings up lots of my unpretty stuff.
Last weekend I participated in a virtual workshop retreat to write a book in a weekend – it was awesome – great coaching, collaboration, and passion and I made significant progress. And then I hit the wall.
I’m aware that when we approach change and growth that our stuff or limiting beliefs can come up. I coach that everyday. So I was very logical about going into this weekend, yet then I hit my own wall. I was stuck, I was overwhelmed, feeling like I wanted to just check out and shut down.
As I got curious about what was up for me and gave voice to it, I became aware that my stuff sounded like this, “Who am I to write this book? I’m just a regular girl. What will others think of me?” And then the big one surfaced – “what if I can’t live up to my content (core success principles) all the time? I’m not perfect and I don’t claim to be. And I feel incredibly vulnerable putting myself out there.”
I cried. Hot tears cried. And then breathed. And then received some love and support from dear friends who “just happened” to reach out when the meltdown was happening, including my workshop partner & dear friend, Michelle. God is really so cool with how He puts people on our path in the moment we need them. And none of them “fixed” it for me – that’s my work with myself and my Maker. Yet held the love and space to say, “Tiff, it’s okay to be vulnerable. You’re writing this to honor a calling, honoring God. You’re writing this for those who are seeking it.” And then I breathed some more and felt a sense of peaceful calm. And went on to knock it out of the park.
Being vulnerable is the path of the courageous, the path of greatness.
Whether that be in the form of writing a book, taking a stand for a cause or beliefs we have, asking for a sale, communicating our needs to our partner, or any other form where we tell our own truth or take a real or perceived risk.
There are reactions we receive in putting ourselves out there – we could experience judgment, criticism, or rejection. We could also experience love, sales, connection, and fulfillment by willing to risk and be vulnerable.
It often appears that hiding our vulnerability – acting as if we’re tough, know it all, are perfectly put together, and stuffing or distracting our vulnerability – will protect us, yet in reality it limits us from living a more expressed life.
Last Spring I was introduced to a great thought leader, Brene Brown and her TED talk video. It moved me to the core. She now has a best selling book, “Daring Greatly” and has recently been featured on the popular Oprah program, Super Soul Sunday. This topic is trending big time. Take a watch and see why:
Coaching Assignment:
So I’m sharing with you what is up for me and creating my own path of vulnerability… so you can get the most out of the time you’ve invested in reading this article, take a breath of courage and consider for yourselves…
Where in my life or what in my life am I avoiding or putting off?
What one goal – greater connection, intimacy, writing your book, asking for that sale – do you know in your gut that you need to ask for or go for?
Are you willing to ask for what you want, to put yourself out there?
Yes, your work may be judged, like mine will be. Yes, your work will be praised, like mine will be. Yes, you may get a no, get turned down, told no, or have to make uncomfortable decisions. Yes, you may get a yes, get accepted, and get exactly what you wanted. We never know unless we’re willing to be vulnerable.
I have learned for myself that the more I am authentic and allow myself to share all of me, especially the vulnerable sides, that I experience life and connections at a fuller expression of living. Vulnerability makes life more beautiful…more real, deep, and alive! And that’s a choice I’m choosing to make.
Guest Expert, Marla Dee of Clear & Simple. Marla is my professional organizer and her tips have helped me let go of clutter and create harmonious space!
A few years ago as I was working on a new project that I was struggling to complete, my coach at the time said these valuable words, “Perfect is great, done is better.”
It rang a very loud bell for me. To this day that phrase is on a simple 3×5 card in my office that I see every day.
It has served me well over the last few years as a wisdom that helps me to move forward and produce, even when I know (and accept) that it won’t be perfect.
In the quest for achieving our goals – growing a business, starting a project, producing a website/book/event/product, you name it – we want to produce high quality content, right? Which is a great thing! I will always strive for excellence and quality AND I’m also aware that many times there is a trap there wanting to suck you in for life. The trap has a name called “perfectionism” and it can keep you and your goals in a holding pen for months, years, or even a lifetime.
Which the trouble is, no matter what it won’t ever be “perfect.” It can be great and powerful, yet you could always find ways to improve anything. And that vicious cycle stifles our growth, follow through, and expression of the passion that wants to flow through us.
Yesterday I was on a walk in my neighborhood with thoughts about how amazing life is, how much life I want to live, and goals my heart wants to achieve. And for whatever reason I had the awareness that there isn’t an infinite amount of time to get after our goals and creating our best lives. We must take action in the time we have now. Yes, we can always improve and progress as long as we’re living; yet the truth is that our lives and our goals have an expiration date.
We have an expiration date for this life.
Our goals have an expiration date too.
My point in being so dramatic?
If we’re stuck in waiting for life to be perfect to make desired changes – to leave that job or relationship, to write that book or host that event, take that trip or get serious about the bucket list – all in the name of waiting for it to be “perfect”, we will likely have regrets. And that is no way to live.
So ask yourself, what’s something I am putting off doing or completing because I’m waiting for it to be perfect?
Is it writing your book or producing a product?
Is it waiting to market yourself until you have another certification?
Is it staying where you’re waiting for the perfect time to change what’s burning in your heart?
What if we could change that perspective to one of progress versus perfection?
For me, this is your most important goal: PROGRESS, not perfection.
Progress is realistic. Progress can happen every day. Progress is how we tackle an overwhelming, huge, and out-of-our-comfort-zone type of goal.
Coaching Assignment:
Consider a goal that you’ve always wanted to go for, but haven’t yet. Write it down.
Identify 3 to 5 simple actions you could begin taking TODAY and do it. Then pick one and do it!
Place the phrase, “Perfect is Great, DONE is Better” somewhere where you will see it often.
Realize that under perfectionism is simply just fear holding you hostage. The fears of “what if I fail? Or is it good enough? What will people think? Who am I to share this?” are all very common culprits creating the perfectionism trap.
Take your power back from the fears of you or your project needing to be perfect and invest it into the path of progress. Your progress is what creates your life and your results, with all its beautiful imperfections along the way.
You likely can relate to one or more of the following scenarios:
1. You know that you’re ready to do something new in your life -write a book, leave your corporate gig, create a new relationship, buy some really big new thing… and you’re scared.
2. You’re wanting to create some new thing in your life, but you’ve never ever done it before… and you don’t know where to start.
3. You’re feeling so overwhelmed with all there is to do to run a business or your life (or both) so in the midst of all the overwhelm, frustration, and anxiety… you allow distractions (social media, food, off topic projects) to steal your time instead.
The antidote to all of these challenges is found in Taking Action. Now it’s not to say that there are not other influences to some of these challenges you’re facing – yet all of these scenarios require action to move forward and create positive change.
I love what Norman Vincent Peale says about action…
“Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all.”
Isn’t that incredible wisdom? He was right on the money. And so are you when you get into action.
As Mike Dooley said last weekend, “Action breeds clarity” – you likely may be waiting for more information, the perfect website, or another certification, or to lose another 10 pounds before you will take the action that will create the outcome you want. Interestingly enough, the clarity is often found in the doing – by taking action towards your goals.
So dare to take a little more action – it doesn’t have to be a massive overhaul – although it can be and quite an adventure! Even if you take a little more action – say making a few sales calls about your new venture – before having the perfect website or business card, you will learn so much more and increase your likelihood of sales! Imagine that!
You may find yourself drawn to meeting someone new so you could create an online dating profile and put yourself out there – you may love it or hate it, but that action will breed more clarity for you. So will dating – you’ll learn more (clarity) about what you do want or don’t want in a relationship.
You may find yourself drawn to a new career path – you could take classes, attend a networking event, or take someone to lunch in that industry to learn more of what it would be like. That action will create more clarity for you.
Whatever your goal or desire is, by taking more action you can only gain more clarity and guidance of what you do want in your life.
One thought shared by personal development pioneer, Buckminster Fuller is “You can never learn less. You can only learn more.”Action increases the velocity of what we’re learning. By taking more action, we get more clear, and with that clarity we can adjust, improve, and create what it is that we want.
Coaching Assignment:
So your homework for the week – what’s one thing, goal, or change you’re drawn to in your life? Consider if you were to take action towards that direction, what would that be? If you feel overwhelmed, ask yourself, what’s one simple action I could take, focused on the simple?
As you take more action in your life – versus thinking and thinking and thinking about it – you will create faster and greater clarity for yourself, which in turn will propel you forward to what you want.
Regardless of how you feel about them, it’s estimated that by January 24th of the New Year, 92% of people have abandoned them. Big time commitment issues, right?
Yes. And perhaps the ever bigger issue is that for most people they set themselves up to fail with the following common challenges:
Set pie in the sky goals = unrealistic
Set goals that are all or nothing = perfect or bust
Set goals that are vague = lack of clear direction
Can you relate to any of those challenges yourself?
I know I’ve been guilty of them as well myself. I use to have the running joke that my New Year’s Resolutions could be the same list laminated and simply change out the year with a dry erase marker.
But regardless of the negative stigma attached to New Year resolutions, I do believe in goals with all my heart. I am a huge fan of having goals and I’m a bigger fan of having realistic action steps that feel doable to follow through on.
Goals to me are like the guideposts or lighthouses if you will that guide my path and grant navigational points that assist me to consciously create the life and results I desire.
So here are a few tips that help me create goals that I can truly COMMIT to…
Decide what I want. Sounds simple, right? You’d be surprised of how often people are not clear on what they want. They can rattle off a list of things they don’t want, are sick & tired of, etc. yet consider, are you focused and clear on what you do want to have?
Pick SMALL goals to support a large vision. Yes there are lots of things I want to achieve – amazing health & vitality, publish a book, enjoy loving relationships, triple my sales, travel to Paris, etc. We all have dreams and visions, yet when it comes to goals, focus on specific, smaller goals that you can follow through on. For instance, one of my health goals right now is that I have greens everyday in my nutrition. It’s clear and specific…and most importantly, DOABLE. It’s something I can commit to on a daily basis. I am green juicing every single day and I’m feeling amazing. So consider what would be the small steps to do on a daily/weekly basis that create the outcome that you want? This is a million dollar question my friends. I’d copy & paste it somewhere if I were you! By small and simple things are great things brought to pass.
The accountability factor. If you know that commitment issues with your goals is huge for you, increase your odds of success 1000% with some added nudges from accountability sources. This could be hiring a coach, creating a mastermind group, or teaming up with an accountability buddy. A good friend of mine has said, “Accountability, not ability, determines your results.” If you want different results, create the support structure that will help you get there. For me, I participate in two masterminds and two accountability partnerships – each provides accountability along with different strengths for all my goals and desired changes. When in doubt, get support!
Look, there are plenty of great resources out there that are teaching these similar things, right? The real deal is to ACT upon them. So you know where you struggle and where you shine.
So for you, what do you need to commit to?
What are you putting off, excusing, hiding from in your life?
And is that what you really want? Truly?
Change can happen at anytime we choose. That could be right now! This very instant you can put your life on a new path.
In creating change, my best coaching advice is to pick ONE thing that you’re 100% committed to. You don’t need to take on 20 new changes at once – just ONE. What’s that ONE thing for you that you will commit to you to create the outcome you desire?
Commit to it. Give your whole heart to it. I’ve found that the decision is the hardest part of change. Once the decision is made, the commitment & follow through are much easier. It is a complete struggle when I am on the fence with something or knowing that something is a “good idea” yet have no resolve.
“There are many ways to cross the river –
you just must have both feet in one boat.”
– Zen Proverb
Our commitment level is always reflected in our results.
My focus for first quarter are two major changes for my health: no processed sugar for 90 days (I’m 22 days and counting!!) and green juicing every day! I’ve done both every day this month and I’m feeling so clear and energized (another article to share in detail). I’m choosing to state this in public, to you, to increase my own accountability. And like I just said above, the decision on both choices was the hardest part. It’s easy to follow through because there is CLEAR commitment in my life.
This is my example of simple changes. What is yours? What will be yours?
Your VERY best life is waiting. Not your mediocre life. Your BEST life – the one you deserve, the one that flashes glimpses to you every so often, the one you know is yours to be claimed.
Firm up your resolve and COMMIT to yourself your simple changes and goals.
Great results are in store for you. Will I see you there?
So ask yourself, what’s something I am putting off doing or completing because I’m waiting for it to be perfect?
As Mike Dooley said last weekend, “Action breeds clarity” – you likely may be waiting for more information, the perfect website, or another certification, or to lose another 10 pounds before you will take the action that will create the outcome you want. Interestingly enough, the clarity is often found in the doing – by taking action towards your goals.
But regardless of the negative stigma attached to New Year resolutions, I do believe in goals with all my heart. I am a huge fan of having goals and I’m a bigger fan of having realistic action steps that feel doable to follow through on.